The Year of Antoinette Datoc

About ten years ago, the mother of one of my son’s classmates decided it was “her year.”   She went around proclaiming, “This is the year of Jane.”  Please note her name wasn’t really Jane.  I do have a real friend named Jane, however, and just to be clear, so that she doesn’t get mad and think I’m spreading rumors about her, I’ll refer to the other “Jane” as Fake Jane.

Anyway, this woman went around proclaiming, ‘This is the year of (Fake) Jane!”  and that year I watched her undergo a complete metamorphosis.  It started with a new hairdo…cut, color, the works.  Then she hired a personal trainer and when the results didn’t come fast enough to satisfy her, she had liposuction to achieve the look she was after.  Soon after that she underwent some sort of procedure to plump up her lips (and given the timing of things I can’t help but wonder if what they took from her hips they put in her lips).   Botox injections erased crow’s feet and a few forehead wrinkles and she wrapped up the year (of Fake Jane) with breast implants.  I’ve noticed that something happens to a woman after having breast augmentation.  For one thing her appetite for tank tops becomes insatiable.   It’s like that Patti LaBelle song; you know the one I mean.

“I’m feelin’ good from my head to my shoes.

Know where I’m goin’ and I know what to do.

I tidied up my point of view.

I got a new pair of boobs.” *

Okay, so maybe the lyrics are actually, “I got a new attitude.”  Either way, you know what?  Ten years ago may have been the year of Fake Jane, but THIS IS THE YEAR OF ANTOINETTE DATOC!  I am GOOGLELISCIOUS!  I am shooting for the stars and going for the guru!  I AM DOING SOMETHING COMPLETELY OUT OF CHARACTER THAT I NEVER THOUGHT I’D DO!  Get ready.

I am taking a photography class.

* New Attitude, lyrics written by Sharon Teresa Robinson, John Gilutin, and Bunny Hull

5 thoughts on “The Year of Antoinette Datoc

  1. That is so funny! I have declared this Karen’s year! While I am not going to the lenghts of (Fake) Jane, I have committed to a diet overhaul and excercise and an attitude adjustment, too! Girl Power!

  2. Ant, Good for you. I hope Jane is happy even if she sounds totally fake, literally and “figure”atively. This is my year to admit that I have wrinkles, liver spots, sagging boobs and I earned them. My dermotologist offered to get rid of the freckles on my legs last week when I went in for my annual skin check. I said, no thanks. If you’d asked me last year, I might have said yes. I have wished since as far back as I can remember for smooth mediterranean skin. Maybe in my next life. So, I am making this the year that I accept the skin I am in. Love your blog by the way.

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