About ten years ago, the mother of one of my son’s classmates decided it was “her year.” She went around proclaiming, “This is the year of Jane.” Please note her name wasn’t really Jane. I do have a real friend named Jane, however, and just to be clear, so that she doesn’t get mad and think I’m spreading rumors about her, I’ll refer to the other “Jane” as Fake Jane.
Anyway, this woman went around proclaiming, ‘This is the year of (Fake) Jane!” and that year I watched her undergo a complete metamorphosis. It started with a new hairdo…cut, color, the works. Then she hired a personal trainer and when the results didn’t come fast enough to satisfy her, she had liposuction to achieve the look she was after. Soon after that she underwent some sort of procedure to plump up her lips (and given the timing of things I can’t help but wonder if what they took from her hips they put in her lips). Botox injections erased crow’s feet and a few forehead wrinkles and she wrapped up the year (of Fake Jane) with breast implants. I’ve noticed that something happens to a woman after having breast augmentation. For one thing her appetite for tank tops becomes insatiable. It’s like that Patti LaBelle song; you know the one I mean.
“I’m feelin’ good from my head to my shoes.
Know where I’m goin’ and I know what to do.
I tidied up my point of view.
I got a new pair of boobs.” *
Okay, so maybe the lyrics are actually, “I got a new attitude.” Either way, you know what? Ten years ago may have been the year of Fake Jane, but THIS IS THE YEAR OF ANTOINETTE DATOC! I am GOOGLELISCIOUS! I am shooting for the stars and going for the guru! I AM DOING SOMETHING COMPLETELY OUT OF CHARACTER THAT I NEVER THOUGHT I’D DO! Get ready.
I am taking a photography class.