I hope you’re sitting down. I have some shocking news. I didn’t get the Good Morning America 21st Century Advice Guru job. I know. I know. I can’t believe it either. I mean, what are they looking for anyway? Sheesh. It is my understanding that applicants advancing to the next round were supposed to have heard from ABC by the end of business on Friday, October 22. Since I still haven’t heard anything I’m speculating that I am not among the ten finalists. Apparently I did not even make it out of pool play (baseball analogy). Of course, I can’t say for sure because, since receiving the automated response, “Thank you for your interest in the GMA Advice Guru position,” upon hitting the submit button, I have not heard a single peep from those ABC bigwigs. YOU HEARD ME…NOT A SINGLE PEEP! I don’t care that there were ten thousand applicants. Would it have killed them to send a quick email to the other 9,990 of us who didn’t make the top ten? Talk about rude. Haven’t they ever heard of “business etiquette?” Or how about the Golden Rule? Haven’t they ever heard the old saying, “no news is good news?” I guess not because, as far as I’m concerned, it’s pretty obvious that no news is bad news. Oh it’s ok to leave thousands of people wondering about their futures, or worse pathetically hanging onto the hope that they are still in the running, right? So in addition to being a guru, now I’m supposed to be a mind reader? Let me get my crystal ball. Ah, yes. Now I see, “Thanks for your interest, Antoinette. You didn’t get the job, but keep up the blogging!” See if I send George Stephanopoulos and Robin Roberts one of my coveted, limited edition Just Another Ordinary Day t-shirts now. So there. Humph.
I tossed my hat into the guru-ring at the urging of some of my blog followers (my mom having led the charge). Initially I didn’t take the application very seriously, thinking it would provide some entertaining blog material and better yet, a direct pipeline to the “ABC Powers That Be.” My hidden agenda all along has been to get noticed by the producers of Dancing with the Stars. However, as I got more and more involved in the application process, the idea that I might actually have a chance (miracles happen and all that) was rather compelling. I admit I am a bit saddened by this rejection. Oh well, for every door that shuts, another one opens, I always say. WHO AM I KIDDING? I found the idea of really being considered so thrilling that I hurled myself smack into my own private advice guru fantasy world. “And now joining the cast of Good Morning America please welcome advice guru extraordinaire, Antoinette Datoc,” (no wait…maybe I should hyphenate), ” that is, Antoinette D’Aniello-Datoc.” Look at me and my new advice guru hairdo, and my new advice guru wardrobe, and my advice guru celebrity status, “Oh my! Was that my larger-than-life face painted on the side of that bus?”
The truth is sobering. I did not even get out of pool play. How is it possible? Were there really ten or maybe more people who gave better advice than I did? Or wrote better essays? Or were less awkward-looking in their photos? (SUPER-DUPER IMPORTANT NOTE: These are rhetorical questions. Do not, I repeat, do not answer these questions. If you choose to leave a comment in the comment section remember the IYCSSN Rule is still in effect.) Let me tell you something. There better be some darn amazing people in that top ten, because if not, I am going to be pretty mad. And another thing, I’ll be watching GMA during the viewer feedback portion of this whole search process. You better believe this viewer will be providing plenty of feedback. You can bet on it. That’s right, Mr. ABC Executive, I’m talking to you.