I was so excited last night when Tom Bergeron announced that this week viewers had voted Kurt Warner off Dancing with the Stars, that I nearly wet my pants. Remember I’ve given birth twice so, quite literally, I really did almost wet my pants. It’s not because I don’t like Kurt Warner that I was so excited about his exit from the competition. On the contrary, I find him to be a very likeable guy, but come on. Let’s be honest, it was just a matter of time before he got the ax. The thing is, I’ve been waiting patiently since week one to be able to say, “Kurt Warner was sacked last night!” Such a clever quip, with the football reference and all, but I can’t claim it. I’m so mad I could spit. Kurt Warner got sacked last night. No matter where else you hear it, THAT WAS MY IDEA. I promise.
This afternoon I was talking to my good friend (you know who you are); I’ll call her Jamie Lee Curtis (more on that later). Anyway, I was talking to Jamie Lee Curtis on the phone about Dancing with the Stars. Our conversation went something like this.
“Antoinette, why aren’t you responding to my comments on your blog.”
“I am responding. I call you, don’t I?.”
“Yes, but I like it when you reply on your blog.”
“And by the way, where’s my t shirt? And are we still going to L.A.?”
Allow me to take a moment to explain the Jamie Lee Curtis thing. So, this friend of mine and I are both hooked on Dancing with the Stars. We are so hooked that we text each other back and forth incessantly throughout the evening on Mondays and Tuesdays while the show airs. We’ve both noticed that during every single episode of DWTS so far this season, Jamie Lee Curtis has been in the studio audience. Come to find out, Jamie Lee Curtis and Jennifer Gray are BFF’s. So my friend, inspired by Jamie Lee and her support of Jennifer, has offered to come to L.A. with me if…no wait, I take that back. WHEN I am a contestant on Dancing with the Stars. That’s right, this friend of mine is going to be my Jamie Lee Curtis.
“I still have your t-shirt and yes we’re still going to L.A.”
“So what do you think about Kurt Warner?”
“Oh my gosh! I’ve been waiting for this day all season. I’m going to announce it on my blog. Kurt Warner was sacked last night! Get it?”
“Yes. I get it. Very clever.”
I was at the grocery store this evening at around 7:30, suppressing my urge to buy more canned pumpkin. I mean I don’t want to be the root cause of another shortage. I was looking for the organic nut section, which wasn’t where it was yesterday. Suddenly my phone vibrated and it startled me. I received a text. Oh my goodness! It’s from Jamie Lee. Hmmm. That’s odd. It’s Wednesday and Dancing with the Stars isn’t on. I fished through my purse for my reading glasses as I meandered my way through the produce section on the hunt for organic cashews. I donned my readers and the following text jumped out at me, “ Uh oh…just said Kurt was sacked last night on Access Hollywood.” YOU HAVE GOT TO BE KIDDING ME! I must have shouted it aloud because an elderly man replied,
“Yeah, I know. I’ve been wandering all over the store too. They must’ve moved the nuts over here. They used to be over there by the deli.”
“Oh, yeah. I know.”
I can’t believe it. Access Hollywood beat me to it and I’ve been waiting since week one to use that Kurt Warner football double entendre. I’m sure I thought of it first. Ooooh! That makes me so mad! I texted back, “Plagiarism.” KURT WARNER WAS SACKED LAST NIGHT. That was my idea.
I paid for my cashews and the available-for-a-limited-time-only pumpkin ice cream that caught my attention (impulse purchase). I couldn’t resist and had a bowl as soon as I got home. Comfort food. Anyway, I called my friend and thanked her for not letting me make a big deal about Kurt Warner getting sacked and all. I’d wager a good number of my followers were making dinner and watching Access Hollywood. I know it was my idea. Jamie Lee knows it was my idea, but who would believe us? The last thing I need is to be accused of plagiarism. Phew. Boy am I lucky I got that text when I did. She’s got my back, yes indeed she does. Boy am I lucky. She’s my Jamie Lee Curtis. Everybody ought to have one, a Jamie Lee Curtis that is. Dancing with the Stars, here we come!
Till tomorrow… Good night. Sleep tight.