One of Those People

I have a friend. Don’t be a smart-alec. Obviously, I have more than one friend, but this particular friend has a dog and…well, there’s just no nice way to say it… she’s one of those people. You know what I mean. The sort who goes around announcing to anyone who’ll listen that her dog is the best dog in the whole entire universe. Okay, so I do that, but those people are the characters who actually believe it, and we know that can’t be true, what with my Pudge in the picture and all.

Anyway, my friend has this dog.  It’s one of those tiny, little, yappy things that weighs in at five, maybe ten pounds max. By the way, have you ever noticed those people (especially the kind who adopt tiny, little, yappy dogs) know exactly how much their dogs weigh?  It’s never, “Oh Buttercup weighs around five pounds.” Nope. It’s more like,”Buttercup should weigh five pounds, but she only weighs four,” punctuated by a coquettish giggle, as if having a skinny dog implies the owner is likewise runway svelte. Normal people don’t know how much their dogs weigh. They just don’t.  Take me for example.  I know on any given day Pudge weighs somewhere between 38.2 and 39.6 pounds, but I never know her exact weight. Goodness knows, I love her like the dickens, but I’ve got too much going on to be weighing my dog more than once week. Sheesh.

Princess in her Eli Manning jersey, "I asked for Matt Ryan."

Princess in her Eli Manning jersey, “I asked for Matt Ryan.”

Back to my friend and her dog whom I’ll call “Princess” (the dog, not my friend although her husband and kids might disagree). So a few months ago this friend posted a photo of “Princess” on facebook.  “Princess” was wearing a tiny, little doggie New York Giants football jersey.  As if dressing your dog in clothes isn’t bad enough, but a New York Giants football jersey? Seriously? And of all players, Eli Manning?  What…were there no tiny, little doggie RG3 and Matt Ryan jerseys available? I mean if you’re going to put your dog in a football jersey, at least be sensible about it. The thing is this friend of mine is a good friend…a really good friend, as in childhood-through-college-roommate kind of friend. The sort of friend with whom you used to sit around, eating popcorn, making fun of those people, vowing never to become one, only now she has…become one.

I suppose it could be worse.  This friend of mine could be one of those women who suddenly at age 40 decides it’s time to stop coloring her hair because it’s bad for the environment, who for some nonsensical-why-fight-gravity-reason quits wearing a bra, and once the last kid heads off to college, ends up fostering nine plus cats. Don’t get me wrong, I like cats as much as the next guy, but you have to admit there is a fine line separating odd from creepy, and grey-haired women with low-swagging bosoms who collect cats… Well, you get the picture.

I suppose if you’re going to become one of those people, it’s better to do it over a dog than a cat. For one thing, have you ever seen a cat in any sort of clothing? Of course not. And before you argue, those stupid collars with little bells on them don’t count. I’m talking cats in sweaters, raincoats, sunglasses, Halloween costumes. Think about it.  You never see that and do you know why?  It’s because cats don’t appreciate the attention, that’s why. In fact I’m pretty sure cats don’t even like people. We just come with the litter box. It’s true. Try having a conversation with a cat. Nothing. Try asking a cat for his opinion. Nada. But rest assured, you can always depend on your dog for reassurance.

I discovered this recently while trolling the aisles of Target. This really cute pink, brown, and yellow sweater caught my eye.  I’m not usually an impulse buyer, but this sweater looked like it could have come from one of those trendy stores like Gap or United Colors of Beneton and the price was right so I grabbed it. The instant I left the store, I began to second-guess my impetuous purchase and so, immediately upon arriving home, took it out of the bag to get Pudge’s opinion on the matter. I should mention the stripes are horizontal, which any fashionista will tell you is a primo couture no-no, but Pudge agreed this sweater was an exception, and warranted purchasing. The point being, you can always depend on your dog for reassurance.

So, if you’re going to turn into one of those people, by all means do it over a dog and not a cat. Still, as cute a nugget as little “Princess” is, I am finding it difficult to reconcile with the idea that one of my very dearest friends has become one of those people.  I can’t figure out how or when it happened, but it did. I suppose I just ought to be grateful it isn’t me.

Pudge in stripes

Pudge, in her pink, brown, and yellow horizontal striped sweater, wants to know “Does this make me look fat?”

7 thoughts on “One of Those People

  1. Oh, Pudge. I’d send you an Amtrak ticket to get out of there and come to me if only I didn’t have to lay claim to dressing my dog Beau in a verdant green sweater, red bow tie and antlers when we celebrated our first Christmas in the log home.

    • Oh, I just love dogs. I had a dog that sat in the window all day long–a lab. A chaoclote lab. He just loved the sun. And he would sit behind the curtain just like Millie does. That picture reminds me of him. Miss him. Love your pictures, and your commentary at the end!

    • Then your dog will be fine. At this time of year just check to be sure they don’t get too cold, and a good thing to do in a run if they do get cold is to get a tunnel mouthed igloo house or make a long narrow wooden dog house and put in a thick layer of cedar shavings around the edges of the bed. This will keep them cozy even in some of the really cold weather. An adult dog will be content as long as you make sure that everyday they get plenty of exercise, mental stimulation/training, and quality time with you. Just be careful if your dog is not spayed or neutered as dogs will climb 8 foot fences and in rare cases mate through chain-link. So if your dog is not altered you would need a top and some sort of barrier around the bottom couple of feet.

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