What is the world coming to?! Global warming? The polar ice caps are melting? I don’t know, but I’ll bet Al Gore has an explanation. It was 50 degrees in Connecticut last weekend, but it snowed in Atlanta. You heard me. It snowed in Atlanta. In fact, it snowed here for three consecutive days. Nope…I take that back. Make that four consecutive snow days for Atlanta because it’s snowing again today…right this very minute. Did you get that? IT’S SNOWING AGAIN TODAY! That has to be some kind of record. It snowed on Sunday, Monday, Tuesday, and some more today. Really! Ask anyone. Okay. So nothing accumulated, and it’s been anemic at best, but catching a glimpse of even the tiniest of snow flakes floating gracefully through the air makes me giddy! (Speaking of giddy, CHRISTIAN WILL BE HOME FROM COLLEGE IN JUST A FEW HOURS!)
I get giddy over snow, and it’s not because it stirs up memories of my childhood winters in Connecticut. No, no. It’s because snow whips southern folks into a frenzy and it’s fun for transplants like me to watch. The minute Glenn Burns (one of our local weather personalities…FYI they’re not weather men anymore…sheesh) even hints at dropping the “S” bomb, Atlantans (and I can only assume this is true for all southerners) rush out and buy up all the toilet paper, bottled water, milk, and bread from every grocery store in the entire metropolitan area and surrounding counties. I swear it’s true. And another thing. Native Atlantans think snow flurries call for umbrellas. Now any self-respecting Yankee knows that you do not, I repeat YOU DO NOT, use an umbrella when it is snowing. No, no, no. When it is snowing, you drop your head back as far as it will go, look up toward the heavens, open your mouth and catch snow flakes on your tongue. Please do not attempt to argue with me about this. That is what you do when it snows, and it cannot be done if you are holding an umbrella up over your head. It’s not proper snow protocol. I mean the whole point of walking around outside in the snow is to let it land on you for Pete’s sake. Plus, it’s just plain weird to see people walking around outside in the snow with umbrellas hoisted up over their heads. And how about those people, caught without snow boots or galoshes, who wrap their shoes in plastic grocery bags and think they can walk around in the snow? Do they know how ridiculous they look? Umbrellas overhead, plastic bags for shoes, carrying sacks full of toilet paper and bottled water?
As if southerners walking around in the snow isn’t insane enough, you should see what happens when they get behind the wheel of a car after a good dusting of the white stuff. Good heavens. It’s sliding and skidding and spinning and car after car, having bumped into one thing or another, pulled off to the side of the road every ten yards for miles on end. I’ll tell you what. Southerners just need to stay put when it snows. Start a fire in the fireplace, people. Pop some popcorn and drink some cocoa. Please. It’s like the song says, “Oh the weather outside is frightful and the fire is so delightful. Since we’ve no place to go. Let it snow! Let it snow! Let it snow!”
Merry Christmas to all and to all a… Good night. Sleep tight.